My Dream (Feminist) Wedding

Check out Girlistic Magazine's Marriage issue It's free to download. (Activist Tip: Print it out and leave it at your local coffee shop/doctors office for others to read). There are really interesting articles including the herstory of wedding cakes, gender roles in marriage, and legal advice for couples for getting the advantages of marriage, minus the marriage.

I've been mulling over feminism and the institution of marriage lately, being an engaged feminist (A young engaged feminist at that). Mostly I have a fear, since I am a budding feminist (as they say) and have goals of someday being part of a feminist organization and published in the field, that being engaged/married will make me less legitimate as a feminist. That having bought into a patriarchal institution will be seen as contradictory to my goals.

I have considered (and brought up to my partner) the idea of holding off on marriage until the right for all couples (regardless of gender) to marry is recognized. A big, idealistic part of me does not believe that I should thoughtlessly indulge in the privilege that my heterosexual relationship affords me in our society. But what change would this enact? My partner agres with me idealistically, but doesn't believe that us getting marriage or not makes a difference in the larger sense of things.

The next best thing, would be to make sure that the wedding ceremony (and the structure of the resultant marriage) defy all that patriarchal/holy matrimony B.S.

Neither my partner nor I are religious, so having a non-religious officiant is important. Luckily, there is a woman who is certified to do this in Oregon, I found her with a five second google search.

Something I learned about from reading Girlistic Magazine's wedding issue was that one bride and groom walked down the aisle together, rather than her father "giving her away."

I wouldn't be caught dead in a white wedding dress. No matter what my parents prefer to think, I'm not interested in fooling anybody.

Keeping my name (although, technically it is my father's family's name), rather than taking my husbands name. However, this can be difficult in the case of children. Borrowing from evolutionary theory, it is logical that since the matrilineal relation is known with 100% certainty (she gives birth), but the patrilineal relation is not so, the children should take the mother's name. However, a more egalitarian solution would be to hyphenate the names (no matter how terrible it sounds). Should hell freeze over and I produce children someday, they would have the sad fate of having a last name with five syllables and two last names that kind of rhyme but don't.

Finally, an idea that I have been day dreaming about lately in regards to my own wedding has to do with wedding gifts. Instead of a bunch of domestic shit that people will hate buying and we will have to return or never use, I would like to ask people to make donations to an organization. If I had my way, it would be Marriage Equality, USA, a national organization working towards the legal right for samesex couples to enter into civil marriage everywhere in the states.

I'm excited about the challenge of reconciling my personal life with my political interests. Flowers and perfect weather aside, a dream wedding for me would be one that educates others about the inequalities in the institution of marriage in our country.

One more thing about Paris and Lindsey

Yes, I know that if you hear/read/see another thing about Paris/Lindsey you will __(insert heinous act of rage)__

I've been trying to avoid the entire debacle myself. Really, I don't care, and I'm not just saying that because I'm ashamed that I do. I really don't.

But my parents left the TV on tonight on CNN news, and I couldn't help overhearing as I was brushing my teeth that for the Showbiz Tonight segment there would be a panel of special guests to discuss "The Release of the Party Girls". Sounds like a Girls Gone Wild production to me, but considering the way that CNN (particularly cnn.com) handled the VT school shooting tragedy earlier this year, I'm hardly surprised by their tackiness.

So out of morbid curiosity I watched the segment. The panel was made up of four men, including the host, and one woman-a psychologist. And they were discussing how Paris and Lindsey were (not) going to change their ways/image after their respective pending releases from jail and rehab.

Of course for Paris, the sex tape and the racial slurs incident came up. (I tried to find the video of the racial slurs on youtube but it's not worth sitting through the other 4 minutes and 45 seconds of her terrible dancing at a club)

There is no excuse for anyone to use racial slurs. But it became very apparent to me as I watched four older men tear apart these young women for their actions was the threat that Paris and Lindsey pose to the societal standard of femininity. On the outside they fit exactly what society dictates that young girls look like. But they drink, they use drugs, they party like frat boys (just replace the kegs with bottles of grey goose), they have sex, they go through partners like they go through outfits.

To put this in perspective, Hugh Hefner is a role model to many; Colin Farrell is a "sex god" and a "bad boy.". Lindsey and Paris are "party girls." "Bad boy" is a way of describing a desirable male who participates in all the activities above. The "party girl" moniker infers a service provided. Party girls to me sounds like hired entertainment at a bachelor party.

"Party girl" has become a phenomena terrifying parents of daughters everywhere, and stereotyping college girls everywhere for that matter. "Party girls" (sometimes they are self-described as such) are groups of girls who model themselves after the side of Paris and Lindsey that they see. They pride themselves on getting drunk, going out and 'having a good time with the girls', with the ultimate goal of getting laid, or at least not paying for a single drink all night. My exposure to party girls was an episode of The Tyra Banks Show. A group of four girls, who easily could have been myself and my female roommates at school, shared their funny drunken stories and allowed the cameras to follow them on a night out. Back in the studio, Tyra proceded to yell in their faces "YOU ARE GOING TO GET RAPED!" until they each broke down and cried and woved to change their ways.

This sickens me. That kind of attitude to these so called party girls perpetuates rape culture. And what will we do when (it already happens every single night somewhere in this country) party girl does get raped after a night of partying? We will tell her, you shouldn't have had so much to drink. You shouldn't have been out so late. You shouldn't have worn that. We will blame the victim.

Back to Paris and jail. Last fall I did a very interesting research project for one of my classes about 1950's media (mostly Hollywood film and pulp magazine) depictions of women in jail. I learned a lot about the social perceptions of female inmates. The invention of women's prisons came from overcrowding by increased arrests of female prostitutes. The change in emphasis from punishment to rehabilitation in the prison system created many women's prisons--mostly in the form of "reform schools." Thus women go to prison because they have in some way fallen from feminine grace. As in the case of arrested prostitutes, they lack feminine piety and purity. They are masculinized because of their willingness to engage in sex with numerous partners. The other stereotype of the female inmate is the "prison butch", a female who has rejected femininity, often depicted as a vulture who preys on younger, innocent girls jailed for petty crime. Nowadays we also have the female drug addict, who is stripped of her sexuality by society because of the way we see her dependence on the drug and the ways in that drug use often ravages the body so that there's nothing left for a lover. Basically, whatever it is, the popular conceptions of the female inmate denies her of her femininity. It seems the very harshness of the prison walls masculinizes her.

I'm talking about this because Paris doesn't quite fit any of these. She is absolutely the one that is not like the others in (the common vision of) a female prison. First of all she is white. Second of all she is extremely wealthy. She is also the epitome of the popular culture's feminine ideal. She is dimwitted, thin, obsessed with her looks, likes small furry things, etc. And she is sent to this place where femininity can not exist in our popular notions. And the media cannot wrap their minds around this. Paris Hilton in a jail cell is the ultimate gender paradox. That is why an entire nation is enraptured by the question, "How is Paris doing in jail?" The question that they are really fearful of, is how can such ideal femininity survive, that is what the media is worried about. Not her health.

Chinese version of Pirates goes under the knife

Disney has never been known for being particularly culturally sensitive or racially inclusive. It seems that they think that only way children would understand racial differences is if they are bombarded with exaggerated caricatures. The groups of people that have gotten it the worst from Disney are Native Americans, the French, and Asians. There has been a continuing theme about the "Asian" characters in Disney films from as long as I can remember. For example, The Aristocats. The two Siamese cats, in the scene during the song "Everybody Wants to Be a Cat", are depicted wearing drum cymbals as rice hats and holding chopsticks in their paws. Don't even get me started on MuLan.

Read an article here

about the censorship.

Disney's character Pirate Lord Sao Feng was played by Hong Kong movie star Chow Yun-Fat. According to the article, several of Chow Yun-Fat's scenes were cut because of the portrayal of "Singaporean" (read: oriental) Pirate. He is bald, with a dragon tattoo behind his ear, he has the kind of Lao-Tsi long beard and moustache-thing (not sure if its really a moustache because they only appear at each side of the upper lip-you know what I'm talking about), and has long, yellow nails. Your typical, old fashioned, oriental portrayal, could we really expect more from Disney?

Now, I'm not in favor of censorship on principle, but I'm glad that the Chinese film bureau did something and said something. Because I was really uncomfortable as I sat through the movie. All the focus of the article is on Chow Yun-Fat's character, but there was so much more that was wrong.

To begin, Singapore Harbor is this dark and sinister island of fog and bamboo. Sao Feng's Singapore pirate lair is a hot, dark, and steamy hallway lined with semi-nude tattooed men/anomalies. The "Singaporeans" at first chance strip Keira Knightley's character nearly naked (nearly, because it is a Disney movie and all). Sao Feng has a pair of identical slanty-eyed concubines are dressed in matching cheung-sam. Their only purpose is to pour more boiling water into a giant steaming tub and, presumably, service him.

The "Singaporeans" don't really have guns, they are too barbaric, when Sao Feng threaten's Orlando Bloom's character it is with a wooden spike through the face.

When asked to comment on the censorship of the film by the Chinese, Disney executive Anthony Marcoly responded "They weren't quite ecstatic with how the Chinese pirate was portrayed." How insensitive...and vague. Is he talking about Chow Yun-Fat's character? Because he is Chinese, but the pirate Sao Feng is supposed to be "Singaporean". Or maybe he was talking about the female Pirate Lord, Mistress Ching.

Mistress Ching is the perpetually scowling, shrill voiced Lord of the Pacific Ocean. She is wearing Chinese opera make up, and has the tiny painted mouth. And they made her blind, how is one supposed to pillage and plunder when they can't see? But the saddest part about the character of Mistress Ching isn't the blatant orientalization of her character, is that that was how Disney chose to portray a great ancient feminist hero.

"Mistress Ching" was based on the real female pirate, Ching Shih (or Zheng Yi Sao, "wife of Zheng Yi" (not blind, by any accounts I read). She started out as a prostitute on a floating brothel in Qing China, then she married the pirate Zheng Yi. Zheng Yi commanded the Red Flag Fleet, a coalition of over 1500 ships. When her husband died 3 years into their marriage, Ching Shih took over. She was ruthless and severe, completely overtaking towns and settlements, even imposing taxes on them (she also beheaded a lot of people). And she carried on an affair with her late husband's right hand man, and married him (remarriage of widows was practically nonexistant at the time). Nobody could take her down, not the Chinese Army, not even the Portugese or the British Navy. She has been called "the greatest pirate who ever lived" (yes, the very title given to Johnny Depp over and over again in Pirates)

Look at the story of Ching Shih, look at what Disney did to her. Why shouldn't we expect more out of Disney?

Ching Shih sources: http://www.beaglebay.com/women_pirates.htm and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheng_I_Sao

Fox News Headline:

"Wives of pro-athletes should expect to be cheated on"
lovely, just lovely