My Dream (Feminist) Wedding

Check out Girlistic Magazine's Marriage issue It's free to download. (Activist Tip: Print it out and leave it at your local coffee shop/doctors office for others to read). There are really interesting articles including the herstory of wedding cakes, gender roles in marriage, and legal advice for couples for getting the advantages of marriage, minus the marriage.

I've been mulling over feminism and the institution of marriage lately, being an engaged feminist (A young engaged feminist at that). Mostly I have a fear, since I am a budding feminist (as they say) and have goals of someday being part of a feminist organization and published in the field, that being engaged/married will make me less legitimate as a feminist. That having bought into a patriarchal institution will be seen as contradictory to my goals.

I have considered (and brought up to my partner) the idea of holding off on marriage until the right for all couples (regardless of gender) to marry is recognized. A big, idealistic part of me does not believe that I should thoughtlessly indulge in the privilege that my heterosexual relationship affords me in our society. But what change would this enact? My partner agres with me idealistically, but doesn't believe that us getting marriage or not makes a difference in the larger sense of things.

The next best thing, would be to make sure that the wedding ceremony (and the structure of the resultant marriage) defy all that patriarchal/holy matrimony B.S.

Neither my partner nor I are religious, so having a non-religious officiant is important. Luckily, there is a woman who is certified to do this in Oregon, I found her with a five second google search.

Something I learned about from reading Girlistic Magazine's wedding issue was that one bride and groom walked down the aisle together, rather than her father "giving her away."

I wouldn't be caught dead in a white wedding dress. No matter what my parents prefer to think, I'm not interested in fooling anybody.

Keeping my name (although, technically it is my father's family's name), rather than taking my husbands name. However, this can be difficult in the case of children. Borrowing from evolutionary theory, it is logical that since the matrilineal relation is known with 100% certainty (she gives birth), but the patrilineal relation is not so, the children should take the mother's name. However, a more egalitarian solution would be to hyphenate the names (no matter how terrible it sounds). Should hell freeze over and I produce children someday, they would have the sad fate of having a last name with five syllables and two last names that kind of rhyme but don't.

Finally, an idea that I have been day dreaming about lately in regards to my own wedding has to do with wedding gifts. Instead of a bunch of domestic shit that people will hate buying and we will have to return or never use, I would like to ask people to make donations to an organization. If I had my way, it would be Marriage Equality, USA, a national organization working towards the legal right for samesex couples to enter into civil marriage everywhere in the states.

I'm excited about the challenge of reconciling my personal life with my political interests. Flowers and perfect weather aside, a dream wedding for me would be one that educates others about the inequalities in the institution of marriage in our country.

One more thing about Paris and Lindsey

Yes, I know that if you hear/read/see another thing about Paris/Lindsey you will __(insert heinous act of rage)__

I've been trying to avoid the entire debacle myself. Really, I don't care, and I'm not just saying that because I'm ashamed that I do. I really don't.

But my parents left the TV on tonight on CNN news, and I couldn't help overhearing as I was brushing my teeth that for the Showbiz Tonight segment there would be a panel of special guests to discuss "The Release of the Party Girls". Sounds like a Girls Gone Wild production to me, but considering the way that CNN (particularly cnn.com) handled the VT school shooting tragedy earlier this year, I'm hardly surprised by their tackiness.

So out of morbid curiosity I watched the segment. The panel was made up of four men, including the host, and one woman-a psychologist. And they were discussing how Paris and Lindsey were (not) going to change their ways/image after their respective pending releases from jail and rehab.

Of course for Paris, the sex tape and the racial slurs incident came up. (I tried to find the video of the racial slurs on youtube but it's not worth sitting through the other 4 minutes and 45 seconds of her terrible dancing at a club)

There is no excuse for anyone to use racial slurs. But it became very apparent to me as I watched four older men tear apart these young women for their actions was the threat that Paris and Lindsey pose to the societal standard of femininity. On the outside they fit exactly what society dictates that young girls look like. But they drink, they use drugs, they party like frat boys (just replace the kegs with bottles of grey goose), they have sex, they go through partners like they go through outfits.

To put this in perspective, Hugh Hefner is a role model to many; Colin Farrell is a "sex god" and a "bad boy.". Lindsey and Paris are "party girls." "Bad boy" is a way of describing a desirable male who participates in all the activities above. The "party girl" moniker infers a service provided. Party girls to me sounds like hired entertainment at a bachelor party.

"Party girl" has become a phenomena terrifying parents of daughters everywhere, and stereotyping college girls everywhere for that matter. "Party girls" (sometimes they are self-described as such) are groups of girls who model themselves after the side of Paris and Lindsey that they see. They pride themselves on getting drunk, going out and 'having a good time with the girls', with the ultimate goal of getting laid, or at least not paying for a single drink all night. My exposure to party girls was an episode of The Tyra Banks Show. A group of four girls, who easily could have been myself and my female roommates at school, shared their funny drunken stories and allowed the cameras to follow them on a night out. Back in the studio, Tyra proceded to yell in their faces "YOU ARE GOING TO GET RAPED!" until they each broke down and cried and woved to change their ways.

This sickens me. That kind of attitude to these so called party girls perpetuates rape culture. And what will we do when (it already happens every single night somewhere in this country) party girl does get raped after a night of partying? We will tell her, you shouldn't have had so much to drink. You shouldn't have been out so late. You shouldn't have worn that. We will blame the victim.

Back to Paris and jail. Last fall I did a very interesting research project for one of my classes about 1950's media (mostly Hollywood film and pulp magazine) depictions of women in jail. I learned a lot about the social perceptions of female inmates. The invention of women's prisons came from overcrowding by increased arrests of female prostitutes. The change in emphasis from punishment to rehabilitation in the prison system created many women's prisons--mostly in the form of "reform schools." Thus women go to prison because they have in some way fallen from feminine grace. As in the case of arrested prostitutes, they lack feminine piety and purity. They are masculinized because of their willingness to engage in sex with numerous partners. The other stereotype of the female inmate is the "prison butch", a female who has rejected femininity, often depicted as a vulture who preys on younger, innocent girls jailed for petty crime. Nowadays we also have the female drug addict, who is stripped of her sexuality by society because of the way we see her dependence on the drug and the ways in that drug use often ravages the body so that there's nothing left for a lover. Basically, whatever it is, the popular conceptions of the female inmate denies her of her femininity. It seems the very harshness of the prison walls masculinizes her.

I'm talking about this because Paris doesn't quite fit any of these. She is absolutely the one that is not like the others in (the common vision of) a female prison. First of all she is white. Second of all she is extremely wealthy. She is also the epitome of the popular culture's feminine ideal. She is dimwitted, thin, obsessed with her looks, likes small furry things, etc. And she is sent to this place where femininity can not exist in our popular notions. And the media cannot wrap their minds around this. Paris Hilton in a jail cell is the ultimate gender paradox. That is why an entire nation is enraptured by the question, "How is Paris doing in jail?" The question that they are really fearful of, is how can such ideal femininity survive, that is what the media is worried about. Not her health.

Chinese version of Pirates goes under the knife

Disney has never been known for being particularly culturally sensitive or racially inclusive. It seems that they think that only way children would understand racial differences is if they are bombarded with exaggerated caricatures. The groups of people that have gotten it the worst from Disney are Native Americans, the French, and Asians. There has been a continuing theme about the "Asian" characters in Disney films from as long as I can remember. For example, The Aristocats. The two Siamese cats, in the scene during the song "Everybody Wants to Be a Cat", are depicted wearing drum cymbals as rice hats and holding chopsticks in their paws. Don't even get me started on MuLan.

Read an article here

about the censorship.

Disney's character Pirate Lord Sao Feng was played by Hong Kong movie star Chow Yun-Fat. According to the article, several of Chow Yun-Fat's scenes were cut because of the portrayal of "Singaporean" (read: oriental) Pirate. He is bald, with a dragon tattoo behind his ear, he has the kind of Lao-Tsi long beard and moustache-thing (not sure if its really a moustache because they only appear at each side of the upper lip-you know what I'm talking about), and has long, yellow nails. Your typical, old fashioned, oriental portrayal, could we really expect more from Disney?

Now, I'm not in favor of censorship on principle, but I'm glad that the Chinese film bureau did something and said something. Because I was really uncomfortable as I sat through the movie. All the focus of the article is on Chow Yun-Fat's character, but there was so much more that was wrong.

To begin, Singapore Harbor is this dark and sinister island of fog and bamboo. Sao Feng's Singapore pirate lair is a hot, dark, and steamy hallway lined with semi-nude tattooed men/anomalies. The "Singaporeans" at first chance strip Keira Knightley's character nearly naked (nearly, because it is a Disney movie and all). Sao Feng has a pair of identical slanty-eyed concubines are dressed in matching cheung-sam. Their only purpose is to pour more boiling water into a giant steaming tub and, presumably, service him.

The "Singaporeans" don't really have guns, they are too barbaric, when Sao Feng threaten's Orlando Bloom's character it is with a wooden spike through the face.

When asked to comment on the censorship of the film by the Chinese, Disney executive Anthony Marcoly responded "They weren't quite ecstatic with how the Chinese pirate was portrayed." How insensitive...and vague. Is he talking about Chow Yun-Fat's character? Because he is Chinese, but the pirate Sao Feng is supposed to be "Singaporean". Or maybe he was talking about the female Pirate Lord, Mistress Ching.

Mistress Ching is the perpetually scowling, shrill voiced Lord of the Pacific Ocean. She is wearing Chinese opera make up, and has the tiny painted mouth. And they made her blind, how is one supposed to pillage and plunder when they can't see? But the saddest part about the character of Mistress Ching isn't the blatant orientalization of her character, is that that was how Disney chose to portray a great ancient feminist hero.

"Mistress Ching" was based on the real female pirate, Ching Shih (or Zheng Yi Sao, "wife of Zheng Yi" (not blind, by any accounts I read). She started out as a prostitute on a floating brothel in Qing China, then she married the pirate Zheng Yi. Zheng Yi commanded the Red Flag Fleet, a coalition of over 1500 ships. When her husband died 3 years into their marriage, Ching Shih took over. She was ruthless and severe, completely overtaking towns and settlements, even imposing taxes on them (she also beheaded a lot of people). And she carried on an affair with her late husband's right hand man, and married him (remarriage of widows was practically nonexistant at the time). Nobody could take her down, not the Chinese Army, not even the Portugese or the British Navy. She has been called "the greatest pirate who ever lived" (yes, the very title given to Johnny Depp over and over again in Pirates)

Look at the story of Ching Shih, look at what Disney did to her. Why shouldn't we expect more out of Disney?

Ching Shih sources: http://www.beaglebay.com/women_pirates.htm and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheng_I_Sao

Fox News Headline:

"Wives of pro-athletes should expect to be cheated on"
lovely, just lovely

This is what a feminist looks like

I just finished reading Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti, and I fully recommend it. She has gotten some flak for it for perpetuating feminism as a white women's movement. I disagree, I think that she makes a great effort to be inclusive and to discuss issues facing minority women (I learned some really interesting things--see below). She even devotes a full chapter to intersectionality--the recognition of th einterrelatedness of oppression in all its forms: ageism, sexism, classism, racism, ableism, heterosexism, and many more isms. She's also been criticized for the cover: A bare (thin and flat) belly of a woman. I would point out that usually authors don't have much say in what's on the cover of their books (though I have no idea if that was true in this case). I think that one could interpret her cover is reappropriating the objectification of women's bodies and taking back the female body for something that is womyn-positive. I would much rather see this image on the cover of Jessica's book than on the cover of, for example, Tucker Max's I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell.

Now here's what I learned from Full Frontal Feminism:

• The Los Angeles Times reported in 2005 that Asian American women are increasingly seeking out skin-bleaching creams and medical procedures (pg. 206)
• When Jessica discusses feminist phobia by men, she talks about some of the backlash that her blog (feministing!) recieved. A group of idiots created a parody site to try to undermine it. They put a lot of effort into writing sexist bullshit everyday and mocking Feministing! in anyway possible. On their website they wrote about how feminism ruined American women (presumably by giving them rights and even--heaven forbid--opinions). They wrote that Asian women were "real" women because they were submissive. (pg 190-191)

That made me sick to my stomach to read, but I am so glad that Jessica wrote it in her book. First of all, Asian women are not submissive (duh). If I see another Asian American girl held to some imaginary fucked up idea of the exotic, demure, non English speaking (and therefore just a fuckdoll that doesn't talk) import, I will scream. Fuck that, if I see any other Asian womyn--no matter who she is or where she's from--conceptualized like that I will fucking scream.

This idea is perpetuated by, and began with (way back in the 50s) the pornography industry. Which now is about as mainstream as you can get. A 60 minutes show revealed that huge, American corporations--like Ford and Hilton Hotels--are deeply invested and tied to the porn industry. But of course they would never admit to that and have done an excellent job keeping that a secret. I'm not against sex work. I think that it could be a valid, regulated profession if only it were decriminalized both legally and socially. But right now, sex work in all forms--escourt services, sex phone lines, prostitution, exotic dancing, magazines, and pornography--is controlled by men who are getting rich by exploiting women and by spreading and perpetuating stereotypes like disease through our society. Look at escourt ads in magazines (this was also pointed out by Jessica in her book). They are all nothing but stereotypes: big-booty blackwomen; "spicy" Latinas; exotic and skinny Asians; demure housewife types; or all American blonde college gals.

We already know that pornography gives people (not just guys, all people who watch porn--meaning the most commonly consumed porn directed at heterosexual guys) the wrong ideas about what sex is like. A blowjob follwed by jack hammer penetration while the woman screams and makes faces that actually look painful. Porn also gives the wrong idea about what pussy's look like-tiny and bare with small clits and symmetrical lips. Neither of these is true, by the way.

Porn also gives people the worng idea about womyn, especially womyn of color. I could go through all the times boys have asked me, "So, ah, is it true, you know, what they like, say about Asian Chicks?" But then I'd get depressed. But I will share one truly horrifying moment. Once, at a party, a boy had the actual stupidity (I would never call it nerve) to ask me if it's true that Asian chick's pussys were so tight because they were sideways....

Do you think I could make that up even if I wanted to? I swear it actually happened.

Besides, the fact that it is physiologically impossible, shit for brains,...What the fuck? I'll leave you guys to think about this racist, sexist, disgusting, degredating question of his. In fact, now that I think about it I remember that it wasn't even a question. He said it as a definitive statement. And turned to me for verification.

Yes friends, it happens. And I know I'm not alone here.

Thought about that? ok...now go to Good Vibes and get yourself some decent porn.

So I've already written without thinking..

In my last post (YouTube and Raging Asain Women, below)...I didn't mean to make it seem like there are absolutely no Asian or Hapa women in mainstream media/culture. They are disproportionately few in number, sure, and have some stereotypical roles, sure. But not acknowledging the Asian/Hapa American actressess that have found success discredits their hard work and in effect discounts their existence and perpetuates exactly what I was complaining about.

I can still remember how I felt when I saw Tia Carrerre rockin out as Cassandra in Wayne's World, Kristin Kruek as Lois on Smallville, and the first time watching Margaret Cho on Comedy Central made me almost pee my pants laughing. And I think that Sandra Oh's character in Sideways was badass and inspirational. Especially when she rips that guy a new one for being an asshole (in fact that's the only worthwhile scene in the whole movie). Sandra Oh is a natural, beautiful, strong Korean American woman, and those are the characters she plays. She does not allow herself to be exoticized or marginalized in any of her roles, unlike some other actresses, and that's something to celebrate.

But I'm also not saying at all that women can't be sexual, or can't pose nude or anything like that. There is a difference between owning your sexuality and exuding sexual confidence and deliberately being essentially naked in every single scene in a movie (as envisioned by a male director) who's target audiences are young, straight, men.

I just wanted to add this onto yesterdays rant.

YouTube and Raging Asian Women

When blogging, does one start with the good news or the bad news first? Maybe I better rant now and make up for it by sharing something very cool later.

Begin rant:
So I realize that YouTube is not exactly the mecca of high culture. And is in fact pretty much just a site where college students go to laugh at videos of babies getting kicked into the air by break dancers or watch the L Word illegally, etc....but when I typed "Asian Women" into the search engine today for kicks, I got a lot more than I expected.
Here are just a few captions, because they say much for than I ever could:

• "Asian women on the beach, my perfect asian brides. Start Asian dating with these single women."
• "Asian women make great wives start with penpals then meet the mail order brides in these video clips."
• " Tower of Power drives this photo montage of smiling Asian women. It's my second try at this type of thing. I would appreciate comments. Thanks."
• "Dear Asian women lover, The new 2007 Asian Angels calendar is here! Featuring 6 of the most beautiful Asian models of the world, sinfully dressed in scantily clad lingerie!"
• "asian woman wants a discount" (ok, so that stereotype is true)
  
• "Come and venture out with me to view the webcams of some very gorgeous Asian Ladies hoping to meet Mr. Right (You) from accross the Pond (Pacific Ocean). These Ladies are courtesy of Asian Date Doctor who can share with you important doos and donts when courting Asian women (18 years and older) overseas."
• "crazy asian woman:
  01:11
  the description says it all. dont be offended or anything." (my personal favorite)

Ok, sorry that went long...the thing is, 95% of what you find is semi-nude sexploitation (videos of beautiful asian women not created by themselves), foot fetish videos (I have nothing against foot fetishes, I just don't understand why a foot has to have a race), and mail order brides. It's disturbing really. "Don't be offended or anything"? Are you serious? The webcam ad has to win for ridiculousness, with it's clarifiers (You=Mr. Right, Pacific Ocean=Pond, 18+=Asian women to "date") . I'm sure a similar list would result with any search that was: (insert racial/ethnic origin)-women. This exoticization and subsequent exploitation of all racial/ethnic minority women's bodies is infuriating. Not only does one have to deal with objectification as a woman, but you ad on the stereotypes and discrimination that comes from being a visible minority. I guess you could say the same thing about blondes. But the problem here is where the hell is a young Asian American girl supposed to look for positive role models. Where is a HAPA girl supposed to look for positive role models? She might not identify with Mia Hamm and she might not identify with Dr. Yang on Grey's Anatomy. I would also say that having the main positive role model on TV for Asian American girls be a doctor/in med school perpetuates the model minority myth. (Disclaimer: I don't watch Grey's)

Now, I didn't find all negative stuff on my search. I found a video of a group of amazing East-and Southeast-Asian womyn, who call themselves Raging Asian Women (RAW). They are performers of Taiko Drumming. They are also activists, non-profit, and promote social justice through their performances. Check out their website, and here is a compilation video of performances and little bit about RAW.

They fuckin rock. That's all I have to say.